The point my subconscious is trying to make aside from the fact that it finds Clarkson naff, smug and repetitive is that the most irritating thing about Top Gear is the people who watch it. Loath as I am to pick a fight with 7?million viewers at once, these people have turned Top Gear into the Monty Python of motoring, a televised Treasure that it is almost unpatriotic to dislike. So here, on behalf of the 54?million Britons who won be tuning in on Sunday, are five things wrong with Top Gear:.

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